


A Long Way to Go

by SwanQueen4tw



Category: The Young and the Restless
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 12:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16853773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwanQueen4tw/pseuds/SwanQueen4tw
Summary: A fix it fic done by Teriah8 and myself to help ease the pain of this week’s (12/3) Teriah scenes.





	A Long Way to Go

 

Laying in bed, I was acutely aware of Tessa. We were each reading, which at this point, was all we could manage. I could feel her glancing over every so often and I’d do the same. _This is torture._ Giving up, I closed my book and dropped it on the floor. Snuggling under the covers, I sighed.

“Long day?”

“Yeah.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Closing her own book, Tessa looked over me.

“No. I just need to get some sleep.”

“Okay.” Defeat was clear in the taller woman’s voice. “Well uh, don’t let me keep you up.” Getting out of bed, Tessa went to turn off the lights. “Night.”

“Night.” _Her back is to me but I can still feel her. She’s right beside me but so far away._        

          At some point, I woke up shivering. Realizing I had no covers, I looked behind me to see Tessa curled into a cocoon of fabric. Grumbling, I tugged the covers back to my side of the bed and tried to fall back asleep.

          Groaning, Tessa woke moments later. “Mariah, I’m cold. I need some of the blankets.”

          “There’s a blanket in the closet next to your fucking Teddy bear.” I pulled the covers under my chin and kept a vice grip on them.

          Getting up, Tessa went to retrieve the extra blanket. Covering herself again, she murmured. “Goodnight.”

          “Night.” I wasn’t sure how much time had passed but I woke up freezing. _What the hell?_ Glancing around the dark apartment, I noticed my blankets on the floor. _Screw it._ Lifting the extra blanket, I snuggled behind Tessa. Figuring the musician was asleep, I draped my arm across her hip. Relaxing, I sighed. Whether it was out of habit or just being near Tessa again, I instantly became sleepy. Before I could drift off to dreamland, I felt a soft hand on mine. _Shit!_ Trying to pull away, the woman’s grip tightened.  

          “Leave it, please. We’re sleeping. It doesn’t count. We can be mad again in the morning.” Tessa’s voice was tender and laced with sleep.

Xxx

          The next morning, I woke to the feeling of legs tangled with mine and a hand on the bare skin of my hip. _Oh, God. We moved. And she’s touching me. Just the slightest touch and I feel like I’m on fire._ Moving off the bed slowly, I tried not to wake the sleeping woman.

          After changing and pulling my hair back, I tried to leave but stopped when I heard Tessa groan from morning’s light shining in her eyes. Looking back at the angelic face, I mentally cursed myself. I closed the blinds before going into the kitchen. After presetting the coffee maker, I wrote a quick note.

_Had to leave early. Just press the button. -M_

I lingered at the door a moment seeing the picture of us on the dresser. _I miss those days._

xxx

          I was almost free, when I ran into Tessa walking into Crimson Lights as I was walking out. “Hi.”

          “Hey.”

          “You were up and out early this morning.” Tessa paused. “Thank you for the note at least.” There was a little bite behind her words.

          “Yeah, I had to get up early and I didn’t want to wake you.”

          “I wouldn’t have minded. I could have made you breakfast or at least a cup of coffee.” Tessa folded her arms.

          “Yeah, uh, sorry. I just…you know.” I motioned towards the door.

          “Yeah, busy day. Right. Uh, do you have time for a cup now?”

          “Uh…” I looked towards the door again.

          “A quick one.” Tessa’s brow rose.

          “You know, I’m just um, I’m pretty late to work already. So, um, I gotta run.”

          “Okay.” Pain filled Tessa’s tender green eyes. “Maybe tomorrow?”

          “Yeah, maybe.” I could feel Tessa watching me as I walked towards the door. Stopping just outside the door, I pulled out my phone to text Josh.

          _Hey, I’m going to be late. I need to take care of something. Can you hold down the fort? -M_

_Sure thing, Boss. -J_

Reentering the patio, I saw the tail of Tessa’s coat as she entered the main room. “Tessa?” Stepping back to face me, hurt was still in her eyes. “About the cup of coffee, is the invite still available?”

          Tessa paused, debating her answer. Soon, not quite a smile made its way to her face. “Yeah, it’s still available.”

          Making our way towards the counter, I stopped. “Actually,” biting my lip, I wavered. “Can we go back to the apartment?”

          “Sure.”

          The entire drive, I was freaking out. _It’s all going to come out. I just know it. Everything I’ve kept bottled inside is just going to spew out and I couldn’t have that happen in public. I just…I can’t do this anymore._

I followed Tessa inside and took a seat at the small table. “Do you want breakfast?”

          “That’d be great. Thank you.” Hearing my phone ding constantly, I pulled it out to read the messages. _I can’t get a moment of peace._

          “If you need to go…you can.”

          Shaking my head, I put the phone to my ear and waited. “Hey, scratch that. We have a backlog episode we can show today. I have something I need to take care of. Everyone, take a half day. Just make sure the tape runs on time. Thanks.” Ending the call, I turned my phone off and slid it back into my coat pocket. “That’s better.” Tessa blinked away confusion. “We need to talk and it’s going to take more than an hour. They can last a few hours without me. Besides, you’re more important to me than any job.” I paused, looking away, I became ashamed. “I know I’ve not been acting like it lately but it’s true.”

          Turning off the stove, Tessa put away the skillet. Starting another pot of coffee, she came to sit at the table. “Mariah, I know you. If you eat while you’re this upset, it’ll make you sick. You wanted to talk so let’s talk. Where should we start?”

          Rubbing my temples, I sighed. “I shouldn’t have been a child last night. And I shouldn’t have snuck out this morning either. I’ve been acting like a teenager who had her heart broken. I’ve been immature and it’s not helping. I was being serious when I said when it comes to you all logic goes out the window. True love is irrational. It’s scary. It’s messy but…at the end of the day…I kind of lost where I was going with that.”

          “Again, knowing you the way I do, just let it all out and we’ll sort it out afterwards.” Tessa paused. “We’ve both done some pretty messed up things lately. All of it out of love. The irrational love you’re talking about. I never would have thought I’d blackmail someone’s mother, knowing they’d probably hate me if they found out, just to keep them safe. It’s completely irrational but, in the moment, your safety was my only priority.”

          _It’s going to happen again._ “I just…I wish we could start over.” Bowing my head, I felt that lump in my throat. “Hey, I’m Mariah Copeland. Maybe we could hangout sometime?” _This won’t work but maybe it’ll be an icebreaker._

          It took Tessa a minute to realize what I said. Smirking, she left me hanging for what felt like forever. “I don’t hate you, Mariah. But you’re fucking crazy if you think it’ll be that easy. Not after everything we’ve both done.”  

          “I don’t think it will be. And I am probably a little more than a lot crazy now.” Tessa’s brow creased. _I’m going to go all in like she said to._ “I can’t stop thinking about you. About what I did. About what you did. How every time you look at me my heart explodes like a balloon full of confetti. Then I get mad at myself. And then it leads to how much of a ffffreaking idiot I am.”

          Pouring two cups of coffee, Tessa spoke flatly. “No need to sensor around me.” Placing a cup before me, she sat back down.

          “I’m a fucking moron. Who’s been a Goddamn fool. I’ve treated you like shit and I’ve been acting like a fucking child. I’m nearly thirty fucking years old. I need to act like a fucking adult, damn it. Also, you were wrong when you said that my feelings for you wavered. I never stopped loving you, Tessa. The idea of losing you…it fucking hurts. I wake up every morning thinking that you’re going to be gone.”

          “Like you were this morning?” Tessa deadpanned. Her words stung.

          “I deserved that. But, yes. Selfishly, I don’t want you to leave. At least if we hate each other, there’s still feeling there. It’s fucking miserable but it’s something.” I paused, looking at the shocked musician. “What?”

          “I don’t know if I should be shocked, amused, or slightly turned on.” Sipping her coffee, Tessa remained calm and collected. A smirk ghosting her lips.

          “Why would you be turned on right now?” My voice cracked. _What the hell is happening?_

          “The only other time I’ve heard you say “fuck” is when we have sex.”

_It’s not fair how sexy it is when she cusses. Damn it!_ Standing, I took a few steps away from the table. Running my hands through my hair, I kept my back towards Tessa. _I can feel her eyes burning into me._ “Please, don’t talk about that.”

          “Why not?” There was tension in the musician’s voice.

          Turning back, I folded my arms. “Because if you do, it’ll remind me that all I want to do is pull you into my arms and just fucking kiss you. I don’t want to have hate sex with you because you deserve better than that.” I paused. “And fucking doesn’t solve any actual problems.” Bowing my head again, I exhaled feeling tension leave my body. _All of this is out now. I feel better but…what the hell are we going to do now?_

“We’ve got a long way to go.” Tessa paused, walking towards me. “But I’m willing if you are. Think about it, Mariah.” She stopped in front of me, gaining my attention. “You still love me, even with my faults. You could have moved back in with Sharon but you didn’t. You stayed here and slept in our bed. That speaks louder than any words.” A soft smile made its way to Tessa’s face. “Thoughts?”

          Breaking down, I wrapped my arms around the taller woman, buried my face in her neck, and cried. I reviled in the feeling of Tessa’s arms around me again. Cupping the back of my head like she always did. “Do you really think we have a chance to be happy again?”

          “If we keep being honest like this, yes. Because no matter what happens, we still love each other.”

         

         


End file.
